Keeping the Dream

I just spent a wonderful day homeschooling my daughter, although it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even think about it in that way anymore. Yes, I do make sure we do lessons on certain subjects. You have to. It’s not just a matter of taking her to the library once or twice a month, and then calling that “teaching her reading”. It’s about taking the time to build a strong phonic foundation, but it’s more.

I love sharing my passion for reading with her. I love to read short stories and picture stories and classical literature to her. We go over poetry together, and recite those we love best. Often now, she likes to follow along with me, and if we come to a lyrical phrase, she’ll read out loud with me.

And then there are books she reads herself. Not her favorite thing to do yet, so I let her ride along on my own passion. Reading for us has become a shared experience.

Then there’s math, which has become a fun game with the RightStart Math program we just started using, courtesy of her grandmother’s and my investment. We had gone through two other programs, both highly recommended, but though my little girl was memorizing answers and getting the right ones down, it became clear to me that she wasn’t understanding the quantity or place values.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

Sometimes, appearances become more important to us than the reality. Like the parent who drills their kid in flash cards or makes them work through long workbooks or other learning aids, so they get the right answers but not stopping to see if they’re really understanding the concept.

It’s the “study for the test” syndrome that too many of us suffer from and then impose upon our children.

But what are we really teaching them? Appearance over substance? Performance over knowledge?

Perhaps we’re looking for praise - “Oh what a smart kid you have/good parent you are!”

Perhaps we really think we’re doing what’s best for our kid to beat the system, or at least not get run over by it.

But when we substitute show for authenticity, there is a greater loss than simply understanding a concept. We lose the joy of real accomplishment and the security that comes from authentic success. Because with appearances, no matter how convincing to others, we, ourselves, know we haven’t really gotten it.

One day, we’ll be asked to make change. And we will come up short.

It’s snowing again in York, PA, and I’m sick again. Again. Got over the last bit with the stomach flu. Actually felt better for a week and a half maybe, and then last Friday I came down with this, a cold and barely able to breath. Yuck!

I write about taking care of yourself here, in my new community message board, but I go beyond discussing taking care of one physically, to taking a good look at your emotional climate.

We really underestimate this, and I’m beginning to appreciate on a much deeper level just how important it is to protect yourself from unhealthy dynamics. That toxic people are more than just “annoyances”, minor or major, and that’s there’s a real assault on your immune system that can eventually wear it down over time.

I know this is a time for change for me. I’m not sure how this will play out, but I know my world is shifting…and I with it, or perhaps, it’s the other way around.

Doesn’t matter. Not everything revolves around us, but most certainly, our reality is impacted by what we bring to it and allow others to contribute. We don’t always have a choice. There are intrusions and assaults. But where we are empowered to draw the line, I think we should.

On this snowy day, I sit here and look out the window and contemplate the path I will follow. Wherever I go, I go with faith.

It seems like every person I know has been sick, not once or twice, but repeatedly throughout this winter, and this time I am no exception.

I’ve always been very much the “I can’t get sick, I’m a mom”, kind of person, and my immune system just rose to the occasion and went along with that, but not this winter.

This winter I’ve been laid low by reoccuring illnesses. This past Friday I got hit with my second stomach flu in six weeks, with a viral head/chest cold followed by a bacterial cold with laryngitis, in between.

So what’s up with that?

I don’t know about others, but to me it’s a real sign that I had just better heed. I know I push myself. I know there’s just too many things I want/need/want to do. I know I don’t get the sleep I should, and that as a single mom I do shoulder a lot of stuff.

But I, also, know I need to let go, that I need to rest and relax. That I can’t try to do everything, because I can’t do everything. And the sooner I get that through my skull, the better off I will be.

This past weekend, my oldest daughter took my youngest and spent two days with her. I slept virtually all of Saturday. Easy to do, because after a night of not being able to keep anything down, and still feeling queasy the next day, I was finally so wiped out, never having fully recovered from my previous illnesses that I could do nothing else.

So I slept, and deeply all day. Had dreams, vivid colors, and no dreams at all.

The next day I didn’t sleep so much, but I did rest.

And today, when I awoke, I actually felt more like a human being and more like my self before the middle of December, when I first got sick.

So it’s not a matter of not being as young as I used to be. A lot of young people were hugging that kamode and calling off work and staying out of school, as well. It’s a matter of taking care of you, while you’re taking care of everyone and everything else - whether it’s family or work or a worthy cause.

Because if you’re laid up and you’re not here, what good are you doing them anyway? And what good are you doing yourself, when you wear yourself to the ground so that you can’t even stand to greet the day?

Take care of yourself. Make yourself a cup of hot tea and cuddle up under a warm quilt, and don’t do anything of any redeeming social value for one day - except to take care of you. And that, may very well, turn out to be the most thoughtful thing you can do for your loved ones and world.

Well, I have been sick for a good part of January, but during those moments when I was well enough to sit up, I was busy working away at the computer, putting together a dream.

I’ve wanted, for years now, to have a community of dreamers and activist, but was reluctant to take responsibility for a forum. But after getting some nudges in that direction and receiving some very encouraging correspondence, I decided this was the time.

It kind of goes with my New Year’s Commitment to be true to keeping the dream, and so that’s where I want to focus my energy. I’ll still maintain this blog, but I think this forum will just be a lot more conducive to interactivity, not only with the author, but amongst one another.

So please, stop on by. Register and make a post. Say hello. Share, communicate, listen and dream together. This forum is not only for dealing with the hard issues we find on the healing journey, but for celebrating, nurturing ourselves and enjoyment.

It’s the Keeping the Dream Community, www.keepingthedream.net.