Keeping the Dream

Gentle rain — gray skies
my thoughts are like the day
it is not so bad

sun setting
orange across the horizon
my eyes watching
lingering on distant light

missing you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
(wrote this for my sister)

Until every heart is filled with peace
and every life touched with grace,
I hold a candle of remembrance
for you and for everyone involved in any way.

May God send compassion on us all.

Just because I like to write songs of hope and inspiration, doesn’t mean that’s how all my days are. Like many people, and like most survivors of abuse, I deal with depression. Not that I just get depressed, but *depression*.

Some things occur in my life that can trigger those cavernous feelings of pain, and blanket it with a paralyzing numbness. When it does these are moments that seem to stand still. I think that can be a kind of hell, when the pain you feel engulfs you completely and there’s no sense of time moving forward and you truly feel cut off from everyone and everything.

These are the moments when it’s best to have family or friends, even one will do, that you can reach out to…or who will reach in to you, when you are rendered totally still. An in-the-flesh person is best, but I have found that even cyber friends can be incredible blessings. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, someone on the other side of the world or in another time zone or even a friend who likes to be up at all hours of the night, can touch you and in that touching, pull you through.

It’s like weight lifting. When you have a spotter, often all they have to do is lift a fraction of a pound of all the weight you are trying to bench press and you can push the weight all the way up to the top. But without that tiny shift, you may find yourself stuck in mid air, not up and not down, until your arms give out and the weight comes down hard and you lie there pinned.

I don’t know how universal deep depression is. I know it’s human to get depressed and discouraged, and there’s times, I’m sure everyone feels like giving up. But the depression I’m talking about goes further than that. It’s the kind where you could just not exist, where that possibility is the only thing in what could be called your life that would look appealing, if appealing is even the correct word.

I’m not talking about suicide or attempting suicide. That’s active. It’s taking some kind of step, albeit destructive. It’s some kind of control. I’m talking about being okay with just not existing.

Perhaps it’s the stagnant aspect of the situation that’s the most toxic.

Any kind of movement is a savior. Putting words to paper. Reading a MySpace blog of a friend or of someone you don’t know, but who has written something that touches you. A long distance CPR.

Here’s a poem I wrote one night, when I was in such a place. It didn’t start out as a poem, but as it took shape it took a hold of me, too, and after the last word, I found myself sleepy. That, too, is movement. And in the morning, it was a new day.

*******************************

Some Nights
© 2007 Demian Yumei

Some nights are filled with despair,
when the sorrow in your heart keeps you awake
so that sleep can offer no respite.

Some nights I’m left with wondering
how I will make it,
when I second guess words spoken.

Some nights clash with anger and remorse
and I find myself standing
among no winners.

I wonder why I always seem to end up in the same place,
wonder if I am ever meant to be at home anywhere.

Perhaps some hearts are meant to be hermits,
searching endlessly
for a cave to take refuge,
even as they long
for the very touch they succeed in avoiding.

Some nights,
no matter how many songs I write or sing,
I am left mute.

So easy to get discouraged
to live in dismay
to turn off
to run and hide
to seek refuge in apathy or fanaticism
to succumb to a sense of helplessness and fall into despair.

To be so empty to become full our ourselves
and nothing else

So easy to despair
which is why we can’t do it.

Because we…the earth and our children deserve better.
Because we were not made to lie down and die…or to kill each other.

Because we were made to paint,
to dance and sing,
to raise families or be part of one,
to explore the vastness of our world and the fullness of our hearts,
to use our minds to discern our actions and impact on each other and the environment,
to live with dignity and when the time comes
to die with grace.

There are already people living like this,
and a choice that is open to one is open to all…or, at least, enough to make a difference.

And the bottom line is if it’s a choice I can make,
it doesn’t matter if others are or not.

I’m responsible for me and what I bring to life.

And so I believe, steadfastly and hesitantly,
stubbornly refusing to become the cynic
a part of me already is,
but to go beyond it,
taking it lovingly with me,
to a place of healing,
as I hold this vision of a world of peace,
filled with people living meaningful lives
with more than tolerance, but reverence
for the earth and for each other.

I don’t need to know how it will all turn out.
I don’t need to have all the answers.

I just need one - mine.
And I choose to keep the dream
by living as much of it as I can.

Demian,
~DreamSinger

Just the other day I received an email from Jayne Sachs, asking me to listen to her song about child abuse. To say that I was blown away would be an understatement. Twisted Ballerina is one of two finalists in the John Lennon Songwriting Contest in the pop catagory, and I can see why.

This song reaches deep with lyrics that are both elegantly subtle and painfully clear. Her words and images say so much wthout spelling anything out, and yet the realization of what she is singing about screams at you. The music is beautifully produced. The musical arrangements tells you just as much of what is going on as the words do. I love the contrasts, the shifts within the song and how each instrument and musical phrasing supports what the lyrics are painting.

Jayne’s voice is rich and full of emotion. There’s a sense of rich emotional tension in her voice, her tonal quality is beautiful and raw, not in unrefinement, but in authenticity.

Jayne is an artist in the truest sense of the word. She and her music deserves to be supported and heard by as many people as possible. It does my heart good to know that something of this calibar has already done so well.

Twisted Ballerina is especially poignant for me, because my first creative love was dance. I danced in the living room and in the front yard. I took ballet, and had my heart broke when my father made me quit, because he got angry with one of the teachers. She was ignorant, but he was even more so when he made me stop dancing. I remember my innocence at that time. This song, the intrusion into that beautiful space, and the very act of seeking refuge in that space in the midst of the unspeakable, leaves my heart now open and aching…and for that I am grateful…another opportunity for healing.

I invite and encourage you to allow yourself to hear a beautiful example of what songwriting is about, what the creative arts can do. This song can be triggering for those who carry such wounds, so be forewarned, but also be prepared to let the strength and power of this song and the compassion that lied within the writer’s heart when she picked up her pen to carry you to your own place of strength and power and compassion.

Here is further information on the song and instructions on how to vote…taking the time to vote for Jayne Sachs’ song, goes beyond voting for a song. It’s a statement against the sickness and evil that creates the environment for such a song to be written, and a stand for the freedom and empowerment that truth-telling can bring.

Demian,
~DreamSinger - Healing Songs

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A PORTION FROM JAYNE SACH’S EMAIL *VOTING ONLY GOES UNTIL APRIL 26th*

Ok everyone. Let’s lock arms and go to the voting booth and help BREAK THE SILENCE regarding Child Sexual Abuse!!

It started out with 20 -30,000 entries. Now it’s down to only 24 from around the world!! And Jayne Sachs is one of them! The song is “Twisted Ballerina”, a song that is opening eyes and raising heads regarding this extremely important issue!

The John Lennon Songwriting Contest on-line portion is underway and we need EVERYONE to vote!

“Twisted Ballerina” isn’t your typical pop song… it’s breaking the rules of the music world with a strong message! Children Services is backing it. Their motto is “Awareness leads to Prevention”, but this song needs to win on-line in order to truly spread awareness. If so, Elton John and Carlos Santana, etc.. will consider it for “Song Of The Year” and then “Twisted Ballerina” would then be put in the international arena!
.
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Awareness Month. This is timely! Voting goes until April 26th! Please send this on to as many people as you can. It’s that important!

Please go to:

http://www.jaynesachs.com
Follow the link to vote. Click on Pop Category.

There are a few steps to protect against ballot box stuffing.
Most of information asked is optional. They need your email address to track your vote. They’ll immediately email you your own special voting pass/url. Highlight the line, copy and paste it where website addresses go and click Go! Then vote. It’s simple!

Pop Category
Jayne Sachs
“Twisted Ballerina“

I believe in the sacredness and intrinsic value of each individual - whether actualized or not.

I believe in the sacredness and intrinsic presence of Spirit - whether perceived or not.

I believe healing through personal efforts and through spiritual grace is available to all persons regardless of religious beliefs, political persuasions or life choices.

I believe in the power of finding and using one’s voice.

I believe that personal healing is the seed for global healing.

I believe brotherhood cannot exist without sisterhood, and that honoring the earth is dependent upon honoring each other.

I believe in children and their right to be loved and cared for.

I believe in giving our faith to Spirit. To the government we give our commitment as responsible adults to hold it accountable to the laws we participate in creating.

I believe in the healing power of art and the responsibility of the artist to both reflect and create the culture of which they are a part.

I acknowledge humankind’s potential for evil and believe in the ultimate inherent goodness of humanity.

I believe the Dream of humanity and Spirit is Love.

I believe in keeping the Dream.

Demian,
~DreamSinger

Today is my sister’s birthday. She would have been forty-six. Happy birthday, my sweet Vernice.

A couple days ago, I received word that a dear friend of mine passed away last Friday. Gary and I used to have the *best* metaphysical discussions.

Today, I dedicate this song to them.

DANCING
Copyright 2004 DreamSinger

dial up
broadband

Dancing, dance with me
Dancing, dance with me

Dancing on the night beach
Dancing with the stars
Dancing with the magic
Anywhere you are
Dancing on the hilltop
Dancing all alone
Dancing with your lover
Among the standing stones

Dancing, dance with me
Dancing, dance with me

Dancing on the water
Dancing in a dream
Dancing to your passion
Everywhere you see
Dancing in the heavens
Dancing what you feel
Dancing to the love
The only thing that’s real

Dancing, dance with me
Dancing, dance with me

Come Home - Dancing
Come Home - Dancing

Dancing for the moment
Dancing for all time
Dancing I will find you
The love I have inside
Dancing in the twilight
Dancing on the air
Dancing to the vision
That calls me everywhere

Dancing in the morning
Dancing in the sun
Dancing in the moonlight
When this life is done
Dancing on the journey
Dancing with your friends
Dancing to the heartbeat
Of love that never ends

Come Home - Dancing
Come Home - Dancing

Dancing on the night beach
Dancing with the stars
Dancing with the magic
Anywhere you are
Dancing on the hilltop
Dancing all alone
Dancing with your lover
Among the Standing Stones

Dancing, dance with me
Dancing, dance with me

Come Home
Come Home
Come Home
Come Home