Keeping the Dream

While looking at the journey of my life, it’s only right that I should stop and thank my greatest teachers. These are the ones who have had the greatest impact on my life, the ones who have taught me the most about myself and living, the ones who have forced me to look in the darkest places and inspired me to sweep them out and throw open the windows.

Not always so quickly. I am not the best of students, and sometimes I need to fail a class over and over again, before I get it enough to move on…and then I always need a lot of review.

But they are patient teachers and the most forgiving ones I have ever met. It’s within their nature.

I’d like you to meet my children.

My children have certainly been a major factor in leading me out of the tangled swamp of my own childhood…and sometimes with no small amount of pushing. I will be forever grateful to them.

But tell me, is it really fair that children should grow taller than their parents? In just another couple years, my youngest will be taller than me, too…that’s just not right.

I remember how my mom used to complain about having to look up to me now, and I’d lovingly call her “Shorty”. But it’s my turn now.

But you know, I do look up to them…in more ways than one. And when it’s time for me to have to tilt my head back a bit to look into my youngest child’s face, the truth is, I will already have been doing that.

Yesterday, my son was over for a little birthday party. He turned twenty-one last Sunday. Saturday night into Sunday morning was his time with his older sister, but yesterday was spent with his little sister…and me.

Brhiannon blew up the balloons, I put up streamers, and cooked a meal for Sean. Of course, there was ice cream cake. He graciously listened to my kind of music for a while until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Then I found a Metallica CD (which I like) and put it on for him. We gave him gifts. This is what Brhiannon made for him.

Claywork of her big brother carrying her.

I used to carry him. I look at him and I think, was it all that long ago, when I used to hold his little hand in mine and carry him on my hip? Oh, but God help me, even as I look at him and have to lean my head back, because he’s so much taller, I still see that little boy. Doesn’t matter if my eyes show me something different or how much I know he’s a young man now. In my heart he’s my baby.

I don’t think that will ever change.

I don’t want it to. It’s my right as a mother….and one I will always exercise.

Demian,
~DreamSinger

Need I say more? It may not be real clear in the picture, but that sweet little fist has a handful of my hair. Grabbing his nana’s hair fills him with joy…and me too.

…I gave birth to my first child. This year she gave me my first grandchild. Soon, I will be going to her house and make the rice balls, onigari, my mother used to make for me. We will talk, and admire her little baby. My youngest daughter who adores her big sister will give Dionna the special birthday present she made for her last night, and I will know there is nothing I can give my child, now a woman, that will come close to the wonderful blessing she has been to me.

You know, I’ve been involved in so many causes throughout my life and have thought so many things were important, and a number of them actually were…but when you come right down to it, the greatest joy and the most important things in my life have always been my children.

On my life’s journey, I have not always been so mindful of that, nor have I always been successful in conveying this to them. But I know this is so. Even in my darkest places, there was never a doubt I loved them or just how important they were to me…there were times, when it was the thought of them that pulled me through…

In being truer to myself, I endeavor each day to be truer to my children.

Happy birthday, Dionna. I love you.

Mom