Keeping the Dream

Stacey showed me the “final” version of The Last Farewell. I put “final” in quotes, because he said he wants to make one more mix with a little less reverb on the voice, to see if the lyrics will a little clearer.

But I love, love, love what he has done with the arrangement and production. As usual, he has managed to capture the emotion and intent of the song. It’s beautiful. You know you’ve done good when the song you wrote, the picture you’ve painted, the sculpture you’ve created touches you as if you’re experiencing something someone else has created for the first time.

That is why I believe, in some way, the song, the work of art seeks the artist. No art is ever made from scratch, as if put together by nuts and bolts, but as a soul seeking to be born.

It feels so good to be able to record. It feels good to do something for someone who grieves. It’s really all I want to do with my music. To offer comfort and a little hope. Little is all you need. That’s how powerful Life is.

Today, a friend of mine has agreed to help me edit my book on covert aggression, “Where There’s Smoke”. I’m revising and extending the book. She said she would go over it, as I worked on it, look for typo’s, point out passages that might need clarification and otherwise critique it.

I am ecstatic.

I realized today that I do too much on my own. I’m fiercely independent, and for the most part I like it. But I’m also stretched too thin, and am starting to feel the pressures of being a single mom…homeschooling…supporting myself and my child…making time for people I love…juggling my creative projects. Social life? I have none.

Lucky for me, I don’t care much about that. Seeing my grandchild, having lunch with my son or an afternoon with my oldest daughter and spending the day with my youngest, discovering and learning new things is social life enough for me.

But my creative projects have suffered. Last August, when my youngest daughter went to the beach, I wrote and recorded a song. It was the first time last year, and I haven’t stepped foot in that studio since.

This is not how I want things to be, but I wouldn’t stop homeschooling my daughter for anything. It’s challenging enough as a single mom, but it’s also very rewarding, and given her learning style, I know I am doing the right thing by her.

Still, it – like so many other things – is something I am responsible for entirely on my own.

Something inside of me snapped today and I thought, “I would so love to have some support in one area of my life!”, and I sent off an email to someone and asked for help. So unlike me [smiling to myself now] but change is good.

And she said yes, and I like it. Oh, to be in a position to be encouraged, to have to answer to someone who cares enough for my creative progress! I am elated and inspired.

Everyone needs a little help. I know a lot of good people, and have the blessing of being able to call a few of them my friend. But I do notice that I usually find myself in a caretaker position. And while that feels natural to me, it’s also healthy to let someone else support you. Not necessarily carry you, but support you.

It’s a strange feeling. I never really felt that growing up.

I guess it’s not too late. At any rate, it will be wonderful to actually not wear all the hats this time. It’s more than a little help. It’s a blessing.