Keeping the Dream

I set the alarm this morning at 5 A.M. to catch the meteor showers. I was too late or else the trees on the “mountain” I live on blocked the view. What I did see, though, was the most magnificent starry sky I have seen since I lived in New Mexico.

For some reason, the stars seemed closer and clearer. And Venus, which can be extremely big in the sky was absolutely huge.

How many early morning hours have I stared out the back sliding door of my adolescence and young adulthood, not able to sleep just yet, looking at this planet of love to give me permission to rest? And how long ago, (could it really be decades, since I was a little girl living in that desert?) was it that I used to lay on my back waiting for the first of many star like diamonds to appear?

But last night, was such a night. There were no clouds, no humidity. The air was sharp and cold, and it even smelled cleaned. And there they were, so many stars to fill a soul with wonder, to remind a person there is more to life than our day to day concerns and fears.

The woman who told me about the meteor showers, said she was going to ask her neighbors to turn off their back porch lights before going to bed. Light pollution deprives the perception to behold such wonders.

The stars never went anywhere. The night sky is just as glorious as it was in my childhood, and generations of childhoods. But I have not seen it like this in years.

And I have to wonder, how much of our own pollution prevents us from seeing the heavens. Not just the ones above us with their celestial orbits through space, but the ones within us. How much of our spiritual sight is barred from perceiving the divine, because of our fears, our doubts and resentments or just our apathy?

Do we even bother to look up anymore? Do we think there will be nothing there to see?

…you will not see what lies ahead.”

I saw “Ratatouille” last night with my little girl, and loved it. I love any story about being true to yourself, finding your creativity, living an authentic life and making a difference.

There was one quote that just jumped out at me, and I found myself repeating it throughout the movie so I wouldn’t forget it. It might not be exact word for word, but the meaning is what struck me.

If you are focused on what you left behind, you will not see what lies ahead.”

And that’s when I realized from the mouth of a figment of an animated rat’s imagination that that’s what I had been doing. I made choices in my past that changed my relationship with my children forever. There was no going back, no trying to recapture. There is only being accountable for my actions, feeling the grief and letting go. In that moment, I knew I would do just that. “Okay” I said. And I felt a sense of peace.

Spiritual insight can come from anywhere. You just have to be ready for it, to be aware enough to recognize it when it speaks to you.

It’s funny, the other day my daughter and I spotted three hawks within one afternoon, and I told her according to some native traditions, the hawk represented a message from Great Spirit. So I told her to be on the lookout for anything that may be particularly meaningful to her.

She asked me what would the message be. I said that was different for each person. She asked how it would come. I said that, too, was different. It could reveal itself to you through the dance of light on leaves or whisper through the breath of wonder as the sun sets. It could shout at you straight from the radio or spell itself out in black and white in ink on paper. It could speak to you through the lips of a loved one or stranger.

The invitation is to be aware, to let yourself be taught by something in your reality and to feel the love that reaches through it to you.

As we walked out of the theater, I turned on my cell phone, and received a voice mail notice. I checked it and heard the voice of someone I hold in very high regard, someone very special to me I haven’t seen in 16 years, except for a brief moment after a show 14 years ago.

You know, you never know who will be standing on the other side of the door when let yourself open it.