Keeping the Dream

Time and space isn’t just a scientific concept. It’s a human need that begs to be met throughout our healing journey. Obviously, the triggers from the Megan Meier’s incident took me aback for longer than a day or two.

But I needed this time to recollect my thoughts, and more, to be gentle with my emotions that always seem to travel at a slower speed than my intellectual understanding.

And that’s okay.

What triggered me wasn’t just what I believe to be the stalking behavior of Lori Drew, the absolute refusal to accept responsibility or express remorse, but the ability to act as if nothing happened that they could be accountable for to the Meiers…to act as if they were caring friends and had been all along.

That’s the one dynamic out of all the convoluted ones, that managed to go beyond regular outrage to that dreaded place of flashbacks. It triggered memories, so close was it to the sound and smell and feel of what I had experienced in my childhood…when my father could transgress against me so heinously, betray me, and then relate to me as if nothing had happened…and expected me to “play along”. And I did.

By day I was Daddy’s girl. I adored him, and he treated me like I was special to him, and he was ever the “good” father, especially when others were watching. By night…

And here it was again, as I read how the Drew’s attended Megan’s funeral, invited the Meier’s to their daughter’s birthday party, commiserated and went through all the pretense of caring, concerned neighbors, as friends….all along knowing…

And these are different people from my parents, and there are circumstances that are so different, but the ability to hurt you and then act toward you as if nothing happened…. is what connects them together.

But something did happen. And it’s affected my life forever.

But you know what? At this point of my journey, I get to determine what that affect will be. I steer the course of my life, and even though there may be detours and set backs, my destination is set - I move toward greater empowerment, peace of mind and serenity. I move toward a greater unfolding of strength and vulnerability, a greater embracing of truth and love.

And that’s something.

The photo in the new banner for this blog is a graphic enhanced version of my grandson held in my arms, taken two years ago. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback concerning that photo, that it’s pretty much become my logo.

Somehow the nurturing image of a woman holding a baby seems fitting for the concept of “Keeping the Dream”.

How tender all our dreams are, how beautiful that they should receive our care, our nurturing and protection. And I don’t mean “our” in a rhetorical sense. I mean yours. You, who read these words now. You, who I may or may not correspond with in email, who may live in my town or across the ocean.

I think about all the sorrow in this world. I don’t need to be fixated on sorrow to be moved by it. And I don’t need to cover my eyes to it to stand in awe of the love that exists in this world either.

I wonder if you know how important you are. I wonder if you realize just how unimportant it is to know how much of a difference you can make…and just make it?

I wonder if you will give yourself the gift of risk and allow yourself the joy of serendipity.

I wonder who you are, if our paths will ever cross and in what indirect way we will affect each other’s lives in ways we cannot fathom.

Today I am wishing you well, my stranger who has graced this page, my brother or sister in this family of humanity.

Keep your dream. Live it. Embrace it. It has a life of its own that it wants to share with you. Like most partners, it may not look like what you’ve always imagined it to be. It might only be a very quiet dance, kept away from the sunlight, coming out only at night. Dance in the moonlight. Dance to your love’s pleasure.

Every dream is a seed to a better world. Keep that dream alive in you. You are more important than you know.