Child Inside

Written by on October 21, 2005 in The Healing Journey with 0 Comments

Twenty years ago, I had a dream. I dreamt of a person who hated me and I had returned that hate with my own animosity.

In my dream, she was standing there in front of me, facing me. As I looked at her, I realized I could see through her. Her abdomen was somehow transparent.

As I looked closer, I could see a child inside her. It kicked and screamed in a tantrum, but could not catch the attention of this woman. As I watched, I noticed there were other people standing around this woman, each one of them with transparent bellies, each one oblvious to the child within them.

A child whimpered in one. Another was bawling. Some children were angry and violent, others ghostly and still.

My view expanded like the widening of a camera angle, and I began to see hundreds, then thousands of grown people – a world full of people all transparent with children trapped inside them.

All I could do was watch with a horrid fascination. Then suddenly, I felt a pull to look down. I slowly lowered my eyes, and as I did, I had a sickening feeling that I would see my own child trapped inside. I could not bear to look at her pain…or look at her lookin up at me.

I woke up.

Dreams come and go, are notated in a journal or forgotten…this one has remained with me to this day. It still shakes me up, when I think of it, and it serves as a powerful motivation behind my desire to write and sing.

It has also had a powerful impact on how I see people I have conflict with…when I can get out of myself long enough to remember.

I wonder what happens to the child who gets the attention of the person they have become.

Someone once told me they didn’t want to deal with the stuff from the past, because they didn’t want to dwell on it. But it dwells in us, doesn’t it?

Maybe, we can take the time to draw our gaze down and inward. There might be someone who has something to tell us that we need to hear, and maybe we have something we’ve been waiting our whole life…living our whole life to tell them.


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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, uses spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. "For the Sake of Love” is her collection of songs written on Demian's healing journey, and “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” is a children’s book she wrote for her daughter about the interconnectedness of life published by Illumination Arts and endorsed by Jane Goodall. Currently, Demian is working on recording episodes for her podcast and writing on the "Where There's Smoke Series on Covert Abuse". .


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