For the Good of the Child: Part 2

Written by on October 13, 2007 in The Healing Journey with 0 Comments

“Should a child keep in touch with an abusive parent”.

Like I said in Part 1: It depends.

If we’re talking about blatant abuse like physical or sexual abuse, then no, in my opinion, no child should be forced to keep in touch with their abuser, even if they are related to them. Just because some abusers feel entitled to grow their own victims, doesn’t mean that we, as a society should collude with this sense of entitlement.

People who cross that line of decency into the most despicable usury, of incest and rape, gave up their parental rights, when they gave up their responsibility to act like a parent. They abdicated their parenthood. They can’t turn around and claim those rights now.

But that’s the rub, isn’t it? Because what if the abuse isn’t blatant or known? What if it’s unrealized or unseen by the “outside”, no proof or even hint of abuse?

When the matter is entirely out of one parent’s hands, i.e., the abusive parent has been arrested or incarcerated, then you don’t have to deal with whether a child should or should not visit their officially labeled pedophile parent.

If you have a judicial system that is incredibly stupid in these matters, and it’s been known to happen, then you still might have a battle on your hands, but for the most part, you, as a protecting parent, at least have some verifiable cause for concern.

It’s an entirely different matter when the only person who knows about the abuse is you and the child, and the abuser wants to claim visitation or custody rights for his or her own ulterior motives. Then it becomes a lot trickier, and a whole host of circumstances must be considered, including doing what’s right for the child and being mindful of how your actions will be perceived by others. It’s a game. A most serious one, but one that has rules we need to familiarize ourselves with.

It would be nice if our world was based on truth, wouldn’t it? If all something had to be was true, then that, in itself, would carry weight. It certainly would be fairer. But life isn’t fair, and unfortunately, politics plays a big part in how we operate.

Monday: Part 3 of “For the Good of the Child” Series
Part 1:

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About the Author

About the Author: Greetings, fellow dreamer, and welcome! I’m Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist. Some of my creative projects are a CD of healing music, “For the Sake of Love” and a children’s book on the interconnectedness of life, “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” published by Illumination Arts. Currently, I’m in the process of creating podcasts for my book series on covert abuse. My commitment is to the creative process especially as it relates to the healing journey. Whether I’m singing at a vigil for asylum seekers, memorial for political activists or sitting around a table sharing tea and conversation with friends who just want to talk heart to heart, I am always deeply moved by the human spirit to love and live with authentic beauty. Thank you for being here, for reading my posts and/or listening to my podcast. There’s much to share, much to create and the journey has just begun! Meet you on the path. .


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