Not So Long Ago

Written by on April 28, 2018 in The Healing Journey with 0 Comments

Dusk, the in-between timeThe air slowly takes off its winter jacket, draping a shawl of spring around its shaking-off-slumber shoulders. Birdsong emanates from the trees like their sister-leaves emerging from limbs that promise to stand stark against the sky no longer… Soon… I hear a whisper.

Every moment breathes a promise.

It is peaceful. I am peaceful.

Not so long ago, I would have fought this day. I would have forced myself to be productive, creative. A day must not be wasted, I would think. And my guilt and fear of wasting time would compete with my passion — one a taskmaster, the other, wings.

Not so long ago, I would force myself into action, ignoring the deeper wisdom in me telling me to slow down.

Breath, it says, or whatever you write is going to suck. I would come back to my writing after ignoring this warning, and the deeper wisdom was always right.

I can’t bypass recovering, renewing myself like I used to, or at least, used to think I could.

But today, instead of fighting it, I give myself what I need — light reading and napping, watching a couple episodes of my favorite show and napping, eating good food, drinking comforting tea, and napping. Returning to work has been good, but it’s also been taxing to me. I need to take care of myself mindfully.

I would never have been able to do this before.

Not so long ago, I would have been chagrined to “waste” this day not creating.

Tomorrow, I will reclaim action and write like a madwoman. I’m certain of it. That’s my normal. I will reclaim my story telling, my song writing. Passion will have its opportunity to propel me without the weight of guilt or fear, because I will be able to show up.

Even in the wildest rivers — the very epitome of movement — there is a sigh of water that breaths itself under tree lined inlets and along shallow shores. In this way the river rests.

So, I will take pleasure and rest from sitting next to an open door, watching my favorite color and time, the in-between of dusk, appear before my eyes, touching me with cool fingers, filling my senses with the smell of coming night. There is no hurry.

The sun will set and I will dream.

And when I awake, my words will find their way through pen and tap of keys to me, and the river will continue her way to the sea.

Demian
~ Keeping the Dream

 

 

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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, uses spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. "For the Sake of Love” is her collection of songs written on Demian's healing journey, and “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” is a children’s book she wrote for her daughter about the interconnectedness of life published by Illumination Arts and endorsed by Jane Goodall. Currently, Demian is working on recording episodes for her podcast and writing on the "Where There's Smoke Series on Covert Abuse". .

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