Sometimes when it’s time to step aside…

Written by on December 15, 2007 in The Healing Journey with 0 Comments

…it’s because it’s time to step up.

Yesterday, I walked into a fast food restaurant with my youngest. A group of men looked in my direction. As you would have it, my little girl chose to sit close to their table. As I walked toward them, I noticed they were acting like school boys. I shook my head to myself, but as I turned to sit, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, there was a young woman behind me getting her order.

The men were gawking at her.

It was my turn to smile at myself. I smiled at myself to think I thought they were looking at me. I smiled to realize that that time was coming to a close for me. Oh, I’m all right, but even with my “young genes”, my increasingly graying hair is revealing more and more the truth of my age, and I can see that my face carries more and more the years that I’ve lived.

But what made me smile the most was how undisturbed I was. Somehow maturity and embracing what is of value has snuck up on me. There was a kind of wistfulness at realizing that one stage of my life is fading away, but there was, also, a very quiet but sure confidence and sense of peace. Because for once, I didn’t place my worth as a woman on the less than noble desires of strangers who for the fact they own penises, have no redeeming value for me.

And there’s power in that.

I don’t feel invisible. I know at this point in my life I still command respect with my presence and people still find value in what I have to say, and because of that I feel more seen than ever.

I have discovered in this stage of my life a greater confidence that had eluded me in my younger years. For the first time, I am growing in my sense of who I am. I will not let that go so easily.

As time goes by I will turn heads less and less. Let that time come. I will turn around thoughts previously stuck in bigotry. I will touch hearts once trapped behind fear. I will taste freedom that comes from being humbled by the very passing of time that blesses me.

That’s a pretty good trade off.

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About the Author

About the Author: Greetings, fellow dreamer, and welcome! I’m Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist. Some of my creative projects are a CD of healing music, “For the Sake of Love” and a children’s book on the interconnectedness of life, “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” published by Illumination Arts. Currently, I’m in the process of creating podcasts for my book series on covert abuse. My commitment is to the creative process especially as it relates to the healing journey. Whether I’m singing at a vigil for asylum seekers, memorial for political activists or sitting around a table sharing tea and conversation with friends who just want to talk heart to heart, I am always deeply moved by the human spirit to love and live with authentic beauty. Thank you for being here, for reading my posts and/or listening to my podcast. There’s much to share, much to create and the journey has just begun! Meet you on the path. .


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