Stealing responsibility

Written by on March 11, 2008 in The Healing Journey with 0 Comments

That’s what an enabler does. She robs another person of the right to be accountable. She thinks she’s protecting the person she loves, but what’s she’s doing is a kind of abuse. It’s not just an aiding and abetting of a crime or an addiction. It’s a theft of another person’s actualization into adulthood.

Enabling can be a very controlling thing. On the one hand we can tell ourselves we’re helping someone, but what we are doing is keeping them dependent upon us as we enable them to continue in whatever hurtful behavior they are engaging in, by continuously cleaning up after them.

I am guilty of this. It seems to be a big part of my identity. I call it being an “advocate”, and I am…but I don’t know when to stop, and then advocating for someone becomes something else.

Advocacy that usurps accountability is not advocacy. It’s enabling. It’s a cover up. And sometimes it’s an effort to keep someone weak.

Parents have to watch out for this. And people involved with others who have addictions, whether drug, alcohol, obsessive spending or whatever forms the compulsion to avoid the real self takes, need to take a good look at not only their intentions but the deeper and actual impact of “helping”.

“Accountability theft” is a serious thing. It not only robs the person of the chance to take control of their own lives, it drains the life out of yours.

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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, uses spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. "For the Sake of Love” is her collection of songs written on Demian's healing journey, and “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” is a children’s book she wrote for her daughter about the interconnectedness of life published by Illumination Arts and endorsed by Jane Goodall. Currently, Demian is working on recording episodes for her podcast and writing on the "Where There's Smoke Series on Covert Abuse". .


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