To the One I Sing For

Written by on October 12, 2005 in The Healing Journey with 0 Comments

I know your heart is breaking. Something terrible happened to you. Perhaps it’s happening still.

I understand. I thought that I would always carry this with me too – somehow I’d be forever tainted no matter how much healing I did, for how could I ever not have had the childhood I had?

Still, something inside of me rebelled. Something inside that cried, “I want to know what it’s like to live without the shadow of my past!”

I wanted to know what it was to fly! I didn’t want to go through life limping, grateful at least I was no longer sitting in the dust. I wanted more. I wanted to soar! I want to experience the fullness and richness of life as if I had never been abused!

That was 17 years ago.

Inspired by this thought that I could somehow rise above and “quantum leap” myself from the past, I set out on a healing path and when I experienced healing, I proclaimed I was no longer an incest victim. I believed the past was dead and I was now defined by my future.

But years later, my reality forced me to see that many of the choices and decisions, the life that I had created and my responses to it, were made out of the very past I said was over.

I had failed, or so I thought, and I fell into the deepest depression.

But you know what? Spirit never gives up even when we do, and one afternoon, while ruefully contemplating the limp I so obviously still had in my walk, a gentle and compassionate voice whispered, “You know…it doesn’t matter if you have a limp when you fly.”

It doesn’t matter.

When you are airborne, you are just as beautiful, just as graceful as any other. It doesn’t matter if your take off is elegant or awkward. Just fly!

“But how can I fly with my past”, you ask, “this pain, these wounds so old, so fresh?”

You can fly when you realize the past, itself, doesn’t matter. It’s your relationship with the past that matters.

You can have the most horrific past. If it motivates you to stretch and grow, to become more aware, then in its relationship to you, in its function, it’s a healthy past – a terrible experience, but a healthy past.

You can have the perfect childhood, but if seduces you into trying to recapture it, eating up your life energy, robbing you of the present moment, in its relationship with you, in its function, it’s a dysfunctional past – a pleasant experience but a dysfunctional past.

Your relationship with the past determines whether that past is healthy in your life or not – not the reality or the nature of the past, itself. And that relationship is determined in the present moment.

How can you fly? How can you not?

I finally realize that you don’t fly when you can live as if you had never been abused. You fly when you realize it doesn’t matter if you had. Because it’s no miracle to fly after all you’ve been through – it’s your destiny.

The miracle is in the healing and changes that do occur when you accept yourself – all that you are and everything leading up to who you are, with unconditional compassion.

Your wings are a gift from the Spirit of Life; no one can touch them – and no one can make you use them.

Choose then. Spread your wings and let the wind, the breath of Spirit send you soaring. Right where you are, as you are – Fly!

Demian,
~DreamSinger

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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, uses spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. "For the Sake of Love” is her collection of songs written on Demian's healing journey, and “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” is a children’s book she wrote for her daughter about the interconnectedness of life published by Illumination Arts and endorsed by Jane Goodall. Currently, Demian is working on recording episodes for her podcast and writing on the "Where There's Smoke Series on Covert Abuse". .

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