Was No One There?

Written by on October 24, 2014 in Poetry and Song, The Healing Journey with 0 Comments
Photographer: Beate Dalbec

Photo by Beate Dalbec

This poem came from a day, October 18th to be exact, when sorting through some of my journals I had glanced through them and the naivete and vulnerability of who I had been just cut through me like a knife. The day triggered me horribly — waves of grief and then depression that threatened to consume me. I wrote…well, at first I just opened my laptop and stared, but at least I opened it! And then I started typing…prose, really bad, whiny prose, until the thoughts and feelings behind the depression had enough of me and sprang into poetry, and the next thing I knew I was writing and sculpting a poem. Everything, everyone wants to be heard. Even the darkest parts of yourself.


Was No One There?
by Demian

Glancing at old journals
a trap door springs open
all over my reality,
my world
Pieces of past
fluttering like ashes of paper
taunting me
with burnt edges
and the smell of smoke

I see what I was
And it hurts so much

Was there no one?
bound feet,
hobbling on shifting sands,
gloved hands,
leaving no fingerprints,
scott free

Encased in each other
a living tomb

Was there no one
who could have said,
“It’s not supposed to be like this”?

Was there no one
to sit and talk with me
to show the way
by example
instead of letting me write my own manual
on how to grow up?

Was there no one
for that little girl
who escaped into books,
the young woman
who didn’t know
she was stuck to old templates
like flypaper
buzzing futilely,
growing painfully
into the woman
sitting here now
writing poems
like this one?

Was there no one besides
figures inspiring me from history books
or dogs deep listening with empathy
or bamboo groves inviting me to come within
or shadows dancing me across the ground,
suns and moons rising and setting me over wordscapes
and treetops beckoning me to come

Grateful —
my teachers,
my refuge,
every one

But was there

Looking through pages,
Looking for names,
Searching for a memory…
Eureka! I find one!

An English teacher,
Mrs Douglas,
loving my writing
loving me
asking nothing
demanding nothing
taking nothing

Just listening…
like I’m someone
worth listening to…
like I’m

She moves to Florida
and poof
she is gone

But I am still here
back and forth
soothing/not soothing pain
expanding years
cascading now like
slow motion water fall
into this moment

Closing my eyes
Sinking into sorrow…
allowing myself to die


there is no drowning
only floating

Something catching me
Floating me down
to an unknown destination

And I go where it takes me

Support the Work of Love


About the Author

About the Author: Greetings, fellow dreamer, and welcome! I’m Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist. Some of my creative projects are a CD of healing music, “For the Sake of Love” and a children’s book on the interconnectedness of life, “Little Yellow Pear Tomatoes” published by Illumination Arts. Currently, I’m in the process of creating podcasts for my book series on covert abuse. My commitment is to the creative process especially as it relates to the healing journey. Whether I’m singing at a vigil for asylum seekers, memorial for political activists or sitting around a table sharing tea and conversation with friends who just want to talk heart to heart, I am always deeply moved by the human spirit to love and live with authentic beauty. Thank you for being here, for reading my posts and/or listening to my podcast. There’s much to share, much to create and the journey has just begun! Meet you on the path. .


If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: