Feigning Positive Emotions: Kindness

Written by on October 9, 2012 in Conversations on the Healing Journey with 1 Comment

Just as negative emotions can be used to influence or manipulate people so too can positive emotions.

Kindness is more a state of being than an emotion per se, but it fits into the category of something that can be feigned. An act, in itself, can be kind, but the motivation behind it is what determines its authenticity or duplicity.

Kindness can open a heart, which can be cherished or used. Kindness can generate trust or disarm an opponent to their detriment. Kindness can make heartfelt connection or create a bond of indebtedness. Kindness can establish friendship among strangers or recruit allies against another.

People are apt to be more forgiving of your faults if you’ve been kind to them, which leads to gratefulness in the authentic heart and usury in a manipulative one. Kindness can lead people to be more trusting of you, including your judgement, which you can honor or exploit.

Whether they start out with a specific agenda or not, covert abusers know and perceive acts of kindness as investments for future withdrawal. It’s this eye out for opportunity that underscores the nature of any act of civility on the manipulator’s part.

Not every act of kindness by a covert abuser is a diabolical plot. Covert abusers can be sincere in the moment. They are just master opportunists. An act of kindness may be just that. Or it might be a calculated attempt to buy credibility and harvest trust. Regardless their original intent, in the life of a covert abuser, all acts of kindness can be used to benefit the abuser if necessary. They are deposits into a bank that can be withdrawn to cover a future need or desire.

For such people, being nice or kind to you one day means they get to be thoughtless and hurtful another day — and you don’t get to complain or object. They’ve made their deposit. They can withdraw it.

People who are manipulative are efficient. Nothing is wasted. The kindness of today can pay off dividends in the future. Manipulators keep an eye on the return on that which others may give freely.

Of course kindness used in self-serving ways isn’t kindness at all. It’s not kind to deceive or manipulate people. That’s what makes it covert abuse. The manipulation of perception is the core of covert abuse. To do something to someone and call it something else.

It’s how something as beautiful as kindness can become a weapon. “Killing with kindness” refers to the covert abuse that it is.

With peace,
Demian Yumei

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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, uses spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. She's a long time traveler on the healing journey and has a lifelong love affair with the creative process. .


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