If a person agrees to be abused…

Written by on April 17, 2007 in Conversations on the Healing Journey with 0 Comments

…does that make it abuse?

If a person says, “You can take advantage of me”, does that make it usury?

Some people think if consent is involved, that absolves the other person of any wrong doing. After all, “they knew…they agreed…”

Sometimes agreement can be read through inference. “Well, they should have known, so in a sense they agreed to…whatever”

But let’s think about this. Even if a someone is mixed up enough to “agree” to being abused, does that justify the person agreeing to do it?

A woman who walks into a relationship knowing the man has a tendency to cheat, and he even tells her he does, does that make his actions right, when he does it? This woman may be more a victim of her own dysfunction, her lack of worth or self esteem, for which she is responsible to deal with. BUT does that make his choosing to behave in a way that he knows will inflict pain, right?

If a person admits they lie, does that give them permission to do so without any accountability, just because they told you the truth that one time? And do you, then, not have any right to your feelings, the pain you feel when he does? Yes, you should learn, you should take note, and you should get the hell out of there as quickly as you can, but does make the lies, themselves, not wrong, just because he told you he’s not always truthful beforehand?

How about if a person says, “Shoot me”. Does that make the person who pulls the trigger less culpable? Oh, that’s okay. The dead person did ask you to shoot them, they agreed, so you were justified. You can go.

Not likely. And yet, it’s amazing to me, in matters of the heart, how many people can feel justified in taking advantage of a vulnerable person, knowing that someone will say just about anything, hoping against hope that by saying yes to being a “sub-girlfriend” or “sub-boyfriend”, that somehow they will achieve a greater status.

How many women or men have allowed themselves to become sex partners with no public standing, counting on a day their partner will some day realize how much they love them…and how many women and men have been willing to take advantage of that?

And that’s sad, and without a doubt, when we deceive ourselves in this way, we are accountable, but so is the person who takes advantage of that.

An honorable person would say, “No, thank you. I will not use you in this way.”

A person who allows others to hurt them, has a choice. But a person who chooses to hurt them is making a choice, too, for which they are accountable.

Still, there are people who help themselves to others in this very sad situation without batting an eye, because, the other person is willing to be helped to.

It is NEVER right to take advantage of a weakness in another person, because it hurts, and that matters – people matter, their feelings matter.

Stop agreeing to be abused. You deserve better.

And stop helping yourself to other people. They’re not a food item on a menu. If they don’t treat themselves with respect, that does not grant you permission to do likewise.

About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, using spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. Demian is a traveler on the healing journey with a lifelong love affair with the creative process. .


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