If something’s gotta give, why not thanks?

Written by on June 29, 2007 in Conversations on the Healing Journey with 0 Comments

You know, there comes a time when you’ve just been so stressed, so pushed to the limit that when one more thing happens, you just have to give thanks.

It may sound weird, but I’m having one of those moments. Last night, after driving home from helping a dear friend, a light on my dashboard suddenly came on. I pulled into Turkey Hill and turned off my car to look in the manual and find out what it meant. SRS – supplemental restraint system. A light for your air bag…I didn’t even know I had one. I drive a 1990 Volvo.

Anyway, the check engine light came on, too, just before I turned off my car. And that’s the last my car ran for the night.

So here we were, my little girl and I, sitting in the parking lot of this convenience store at 11:30 p.m. I called my friend and he came out to drive us home.

This was just what I needed, right? I can’t begin to tell you what my schedule is for today and the rest of next week, except I go in to work this afternoon and there will be appointments canceled today and Monday and various plans all of next week if I have no vehicle.

And I could scream. I would think I’d want to…in fact, I actually did. But that was earlier in the evening, and had nothing to do with the car, but everything to do with how exhausted I have become.

And so my car has stopped dead…for the moment. Still, a very important moment.

Because as I write this morning, I realize that I, too, have to be careful that I don’t suddenly “stop dead”, because I have been pushing myself so far and so hard that there is no way I can keep up this pace.

Something has to give, and I don’t want it to be my health. And instead of stressing even further, which will accomplish absolutely nothing except drain me even more, I can choose to look at this as a good thing, and anticipate seeing how it will all work out, with me saying, “Oh, look how this all worked out!” And exchange those “it was meant to be” looks with the friend you share those kinds of conversations with.

I can think about last night and let my thoughts ponder the kindness of a gentle man who was unloading his service truck for Turkey Hill, his compassion and concern, and how he offered us two containers of donut holes to “make it better”. I took the chocolate ones.

And looking at and for the good doesn’t have anything to do with being enlightened or empowered or positive, at least not so much for me this time.

It just has to do with being very tired and realizing just how little control I have over things. It has to do with throwing my hands up in the air, and instead of with fists, with open hands to receive and to reach out. Because I don’t have the energy to clench them and I don’t have the illusion I like to carry around a lot that I can do this alone…you know, live my life.

So I might as well do whatever I can do with a grateful heart and thanks for what blessings will flow my way.

Because they always do.

About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, using spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. Demian is a traveler on the healing journey with a lifelong love affair with the creative process. .


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