The pain was no big deal – I could just ignore it

Written by on July 20, 2010 in Conversations on the Healing Journey with 0 Comments

The absurdity of that statement didn’t really hit me until I saw the look on my doctor’s face. I was telling her about the pain I had begun to feel in the glands in my neck just a few days ago, the beginning of my second infection in two weeks. I was getting over the first infection, when these new symptoms started appearing and increasing over a couple days when I should have been getting better.

It took me finally waking up in the morning feeling like I had been run over by a truck and the entire right side of my neck tender as hell to realize I better take care of this. I called that morning. I had gotten another infection, one that required antibiotics this time.

My doctor looked at me, when I told her what my initial response had been, like why would you want to ignore that?

And that’s when I realized how not particularly normal or healthy my attitude toward pain was. I, also, realized that is, in fact, how I looked at all pain – physical, emotional and psychological.

That’s not the same as caving in to every little ache you feel, but really…pain has a message. You acknowledge it, see what it’s trying to tell you and then make decisions based on whatever information you receive.

Me? If I even acknowledge it, I then ignore it, dismiss it and act as if nothing was wrong. I don’t bother to get the information…until it’s hitting me over the head, and even then, half the time it needs to knock me out.

When you come to think of it, that’s one of my survival methods as an incest victim, to ignore the pain or any clues that something might be wrong, and focus entirely on what I and my family needed, demanded me to see and believe.

It was a survival mechanism. Evidently a deeply ingrained one. It worked well and probably was a good idea at the time. But being 54 and living your life like you’re twelve isn’t.

So that’s another tentacle from the past I have to gingerly lift up from the present and plop to the floor. And if I learn from this, and make the changes I need to live more effectively, then that will be a great response.

About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, using spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. Demian is a traveler on the healing journey with a lifelong love affair with the creative process. .


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