To Be Looked Up To

Written by on November 7, 2007 in Conversations on the Healing Journey with 0 Comments

Today I published a post about “What We Teach” on my relational aggression blog, as it relates to the examples we show by our behavior in dealing with conflict.

What motivated that article was one small brief moment in a game of tag writing, my youngest daughter and I were playing. I wrote:

The other day, my daughter and I tried out a writing game of tag, where I start a story, then she adds to it and then it’s my turn. Yesterday was our third day, so she was adding her part. She took the notebook from me and sat at her desk and as she was beginning to write she said, “Can I have a cup of tea?”

I looked at her and said, “Oh, you want to have a cup of tea while you write?”

And she smiled and said, “Yes.”

You see, that’s how I write. I sit at my desk with my laptop or pen and paper – and cup of tea. Whether I write indoors or am sitting on my porch, there’s always that cup of tea with me. I’m not even conscious of it, nor have I thought of it as one of my writing habits…until yesterday. I just do it.

The thought of how we influence our children by example came to me, but what struck me first was how much my child loved me. The tea doesn’t have anything to do with writing. It has to do with wanting to be like me. It has to do with a child looking at her mother with adoring eyes.

I need to be sure that what she sees is worthy of emulation.

That doesn’t mean to be perfect, for in a world of imperfection and the basic nature of being human, that would be a lie, and why would I want her to emulate that? But believing yourself less than worthy of respect, kindness and love is a lie, too.

I’ve sold myself short all my life…one of the things that have become increasingly clear as I get older. The answer isn’t to ask for a higher price, but to stop selling myself at all. To let me offer my self to the world, to my loved ones with the kind of care and dignity people should be treated with.

That’s the kind of example I want to set for my child. That’s the cup I want her to drink from.

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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, using spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. Demian is a traveler on the healing journey with a lifelong love affair with the creative process. .


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