Where There’s Smoke Series: Covert Abuse

Covert abuse is the usury and manipulation that arises from a profound sense of entitlement. It gaslights its targets and redefines reality. I’m a survivor of incest, but I can say covert abuse inflicted the most harm by cutting my ability to discern off at the knees.

Covert abuse may leave no bruises on your skin or broken bones, but it assaults your spirit and bruises your loving and caring. It whittles down your self-confidence and fills you with self-doubt.

Where There’s Smoke Series

Where There’s Smoke Series on Covert Abuse’s is my response to covert abuse. The objectives of the series are to empower you to:

  1. Recognize the red flags of covert abuse and develop the skills to deal with it.
  2. Regain your self-confidence and sense of well-being.
  3. Reclaim your right to love and trust yourself and others.
  4. Become empowered to create your life as you dream.

Books or Focuses in the Series

1) Eyes Wide Open: Navigating the Healing Journey

This not-so-little manual of self-defense will assist you on your path of healing, itself. You will learn to recognize the red flags to questionable practitioners and false claims of expertise, as well as discover how to assess the health of support groups. We’ll look at metrics of growth to help measure your progress on your journey and more.

2) Where There’s Smoke: The Healing Journey.

I share my background story and the catalyst that set me on my healing journey as an incest survivor over 30 years ago. Then we engage in an overview of covert abuse — its inherent violence, the stages of a covertly abusive relationship, who engages in it and so on. Finally, we look at the healing journey. You will be invited to contemplate what healing looks like to you as well as other aspects of the journey, like the importance of drawing the line and how to maintain your light in realizing the cost of your encounter with covert abuse.

3) Where There’s Smoke: Smoke Alarms.

As tempting as it is to look outside of ourselves for evidence of covert abuse, the straightest way to find evidence for its presence is to look for its impact on you. Working backwards from the effect, you can follow it to its cause. We’ll identify the different ways covert abuse can impact you, emotionally, mentally and physically, as well as your creativeness and sexual energy.

4) Where There’s Smoke: The Fire. 

Here we focus on the specific tactics of covert abuse.

Passive Covert Abuse is manipulating concepts or ideas such as the idea of loyalty or forgiveness or friendship, and manipulating the emotions or feelings associated with them.

Active Covert Abuse is actions such as projecting, gaslighting, deflecting, verbal insults, gossip or slander, and the like.

We also look at Collaborators, because they are the dry winds that turn a local fire into a wildfire. With collaborators, the covert abuser can inflict much greater harm than they could by themselves. We’ll look at what covert abuse appeals to in its collaborators and how to protect yourself from being used in this way.

When Will the Books Be Available?

Eyes Wide Open: Navigating the Healing Journey, is in its final editing stage. I want everyone to have a copy. My own healing journey, especially in the early stages, would have been so much easier if I had had this book. I will offer it as a thank you even before publication date as an Advanced Reader copy when you sign up for my newsletter.

Will the books be available as audio?

You can listen to excerpts from the Eyes Wide Open, and my other writings in the Keeping the Dream Podcast. The podcast is meant to be short morning visits… or any time of the day, actually, to start your day off or give you pause in the midst of your busy day.

Most of the episodes will average around 7 or 8 minutes, four times a week. So please subscribe to the podcast, and let me know what you think. If you have any questions or would like me to cover a topic concerning covert abuse, the healing journey or keeping your dream, let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!

Until then, stay true to your journey, to the light in your heart, to who you are and who you are becoming, always.

Demian Yumei,
~ Keeping the Dream

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