Lamp on a Hill

Written by on December 4, 2005 in Conversations on the Healing Journey with 0 Comments

You know, I was thinking the other night about the wonderful image of being a lamp on a hill, and letting your light shine. It used to be so important for me to fix this lantern of my life, to make it shiny and new, to at least mend the broken frame, change the wick.

To me healing would entail just that. I would be so transformed, so renewed that I’d be as good as new. No scars, no signs of the past…as if I had never been abused. That would be a miracle, wouldn’t it? And why not? To me, this kind of quantum leap is just what all this “God stuff” was about.

But life has a funny way of letting you know where you are, even, and perhaps especially, if you’ve been going through it with blinders. And eventually, I came to realize that for all my work, I was still “broken”. I’m an incest victim, a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse. You just don’t sail through that kind of experience. But still, I did “so much work….turned so much over to God.”

Oh, yes, I made some important changes, some significant ones…but not the extent I wanted or needed to free myself or benefit my children or spare them completely from the dynamics I inherited.

This was very depressing to me for a while, until one day, as often happens, grace came upon me and I had a very gentle realization that made me cry with its loving message. And this realization has traveled with me. Sometimes forgetting it and sometimes reaching out to it for support, comfort and strength.

Today, it comes to me again in another image. I look within and see that lantern sitting on a hill. And you know? It’s broken, the frames bent, the glass cracked and shattered in places. And the light shines through.

The miracle isn’t that you get all fixed up. The miracle of healing is that when you are willing to be more than who you are, you can shine right where you are. The light that is you and more than you, shines through any lamp. It only needs your good faith willingness.

I write my music, sing my songs not because I’m so wonderfully insightful or healthy. I do this because of the reality of what’s good, because of its strength and the tenacity of life. Life wants to live. It can manifest itself and bring its message of joy in some of the most barren places.

I look at me. I know what I face within, the love and the pain, the battle of angels and demons, and then I see the music I’ve participated in creating and the affect on others who hear, and I am filled with a sense of wonder.

This is the miracle. I am broken and my heart sings. If you do not see that, and hear only the beauty of the songs, then you’ve missed the point.

Don’t wait to become an oasis to start planting your seeds. Start planting them now. Right where you are, as you are.

Let your light shine.


About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, using spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. Demian is a traveler on the healing journey with a lifelong love affair with the creative process. .


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