Today I leave for Washington, D.C. for the 25th Anniversary Tiananmen Square Memorial. I am still massively fatigued, as I have been for a number of weeks now. I hate it when I’m like this. Seems to happen in cycles, always tired, but certain triggers — either getting physically sick or psychologically triggered — will send me crashing. It takes weeks, months to slowly climb out of it. This time it was both.
But I cannot sit this out. And so I will get on the bus in a few hours and head on down to D.C., with half a singing voice. Perhaps the other half is waiting for me in D.C.
Songs are stubborn things. And there are a few who insist on being heard today. I can’t blame them. Keeping the Dream Alive and Last Farewell were meant for these occasions. And For the Sake of Love is so universal and healing. How can they not be there? So they insist. And my dear Chinese friends encourage (very strongly) and I cannot say no. Well, I did twice, caved, said yes, then thought, what am I thinking? as I struggled to catch my breath just talking, there’s no way, and said no again, only to realize, sing or no, I wanted to be there with my Chinese friends, with other dreamers — strangers and friends alike.
So, I eased my mind by going to the doctor’s, tests done, doubled up on vitamins, rested more this week than ever, and just slowed down. And even more significantly, just a few minutes ago, I called Turning Point of York, a women’s advocacy and healing center, left a message for an appointment…
For me, this may be more significant than going to D.C.
I think I can do this.
Wouldn’t it be funny if the “cure” is this experience? If the jolt from being with such beautiful people, and the power of the songs coursing through me is what it takes to break the reoccurring chronic fatigue I’ve been suffering these years? That it not only catapults me to more creativity but a new level of healing…one that involves others, not just me processing by myself?
Trust the process. But don’t run in the opposite direction when the process involves trusting others. That may be the very seed of healing itself.
I will sing.
~Demian Yumei
Keeping the Dream
